Pulling my hair out

Tonight is one of those nights where I want to pull my hair out. The house is a mess. Eli was asleep until my husband had the intelligent idea to move him... Yea that ended well. Addisin has been screaming her head off in my arms for two hours. I've tried walking, rocking, music, talking, bath, food, cold air, everything. She's miserable. Which in the end makes me miserable. I now have a migraine. And want five minutes to just scream. I want to go outside and scream as loud as I can. My husband has decided it's time for him to sleep. So here I am with Elijah who is getting into everything and wants a sandwich at midnight and Addisin who is miserable. What a lovey night eh?

And then the screaming ends. And the begging for a sandwich or a juice box ends. And everyone falls asleep and is quiet.
Except me.
I cannot sleep. All I can do is stare and think "this was a rough night, but was totally worth it."
Yes I got upset and frustrated. I wasn't upset with the kids though. I was upset with the situation and the feeling that I had no control. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with Addisin. I couldn't get Elijah back to sleep or give him my full attention while comforting a screaming baby.
I look at my children after these nights and think... It only lasts for a bit... Soon they will be grown up and doing things on their own. They won't want me to hold them at night. Aiden is already making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by himself which makes me sad and happy at the same time.

So to all those mothers out there who have rough nights... Remember... They grow up so fast. Cuddle them. Love them. Give them attention. And be their mother. Walk away for a minute to catch your breath then tackle whatever situation head on with a new calm view. Yes, your child will still scream while you walk away. But put them in a safe spot like on the floor on a mat or in their crib or pack n play. It will not hurt them to cry for a minute. And you need a minute or two to calm yourself down.
Love your children. They need you. And you need calm.