No sleep until...never.

It is now 2 am and my twincesses have decided its time to get up and play. While they're rolling and crawling and walking across the living room giggling at each other, I'm sitting on the couch, exhausted, running on the fumes of last nights 4 hours of sleep. For the past 5 years I haven't gotten a real good nights sleep. I have nights where I get overwhelmed and wonder if and when I will ever get a full night of sleep. Then it hits me.....

For the rest of my life if they're not waking me up for a bottle, to pee, because they lost their homework, because they want a glass of water, because they need a ride home from a party, or whatever reason..... Then I'll be awake worrying about them. I'm never going to get a full night of sleep. Ever. I gave up that when I gave birth to my first child. Would I trade lives with someone who sleeps whenever and however long? No way. I love my life. I have four amazing little loves that make my every day wonderful. Not a day goes by that something doesn't happen, good or bad... There's never a boring moment. Ever. 

I do have nights I'm thankful my mother in law lives so close. She stays and helps the kiddos in bed and helps me out a ton. She helps when I need to take a nap or fall asleep on the couch. But I honestly don't remember the last time I had a nap. A real nap. I think it was when I was pregnant with the girls. 

One day, my kids will all be on their own in their own houses and apartments and with their family, and I doubt I will ever sleep well. I'll think about how they're doing, if they're having a problem, if they need me... I'm a stresser and a worrier. I tend to over think things a lot. But that's what makes me a good mom. I'm paranoid. And love my kids

So now, I'm going to try to get these girls back to sleep and get at least a few hours of sleep myself.